This is a very tiring life that I am living in. There are too many ups & downs. I don't wanna chase anything, I just want peace & quiet! Give me any food fuel - even mantou - and I can survive the day.

Instead, I am made to believe that I will be happy living in the best (?) country in the world, making my day hustling and bustling like an idiot, almost being a people-pleaser to....everyone? Really, do I want to be all that?

As my friends climb higher and higher in their lives, achieving Masters/PHD in more than one discipline, migrating from one top-tier country to the next, and then, I reflect where I am in life. Honestly, do I want to do the endless comparison between myself and my friends? I already migrated from China to Singapore, I . am . overseas . already! Stop . bothering . meeee

I know you may be so clever, so atas, so well-educated. But where I'm from, Guangzhou/Shenzhen/DaPu, I honestly already had everything I ever wanted. I had nature, I had culture (Cantonese/Hakka), I had years of ancient Eastern knowledge. What more do I need?

Recalling my primary school days will always be scary to me - scoring a mere 38 for my first Science test already put me in a disadvantage because apparently everyone says Science is a big thing. Which I agree. Basically, everything is Science... but yawns...

What is with me today? I thought my emotional regulation is going well? Probably too well. Every emotion is triggered, and then it is regulated? Is there anymore steps? Emotional....aggravation?

These few weeks, I stopped thinking so much of myself, my family, my likes/dislikes..basically I stopped thinking of many things I used to find important. Instead, I thought of my friends, and nature. WHAT????!!!! Am I transcending.