Occasionally, I wonder if I got commercialised way too soon. Therefore, am I experiencing the "aftershocks" of self-sabotaged commercialisation right now? Of course, being a "mini" piano prodigy already made me give up many demonic childhood luxuries and entering SMU......hahahaha, it is the epitome of commercialisation, fuck myself!!!
Right now, it is so weird when I look at myself through the lens of.....well, myself - obviously. I am a commercialised woman, ready to give & take on any form of relationship - whether business or casual. And, I guess, I think I am actually an Artist.
I fall in love fast, but I also fall out of love even faster. Again, fml.
Regarding the Artist point, I never realised that I am actually one. I always felt autistic, but still, it is self-diagnosed, and could be self-sabotage. I don't know! I don't have doctors as parents!
I am the biggest floater in the world. I jump from places to places, engaging in various pursuit of my own happiness. My emotional rides - absolutely crazy. But, I know I don't have ADHD. Because, I can stop my brain from thinking. And I absolutely love zoning out. I hate thinking. That is why I cannot do Science, because Science needs so much intense reasoning I would rather drownnnnn.....
Being commercialised is not a bad thing, at least in my opinion - rather early, than late - is my viewpoint on this matter. Of course, I wish I stayed as uncommercialised till as late as possible, but no one can control my encounters.
I think I shall cut this post, and that is all for tonight.
I FEEL SO WEIRD. I THINK IN MANDARIN BUT I VERBALISE/TYPE IN ENGLISH FUCK MY LIFE IS THIS WHAT A TRUE BILINGUALIST REALLY DOESSSSSS
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