Someone whom knew me for years reminded me - that I used to be sooooo street and no where near where I am now. That felt like both a insult & a compliment. Indeed, I remember starting off at a place that seem very far away...

Nowadays, I feel like I am someone of high caliber. But ever since Covid, I enjoyed using vulgarities in my thoughts & my speech. What. is. happening?

Well, I believe in using idiotic means to deal with idiots. I won't hesitate to use vulgarities, force (I hope I ain't a weakling), & go all the way to deal with idiots. I can't wait! It's fun to fight! To me la...

But something feels... off. It feels like the world is spilt into half...

On one side, we have people of high musical caliber, mostly traditional old-schoolers, neat, detailed... On another end, we have people with....extremely high ego, terrible coordination & explosive thoughts?! I can't articulate my thoughts that well yet, I may not know what I am talking about because even I am going through a transitional phrase.

Just yesterday, I enjoyed music soooo much, had more accompaniment jobs etc... Then today, I sort of feel like I hate one of my all-time favourite student??!!

So glad I have this Blog. Dear Blog, I need you more than you need me. Peace out.

Today felt very heavy for me. It's my first time telling a parent that I do not like their child - as a teacher. In the past, I have had discussions with my students, especially teenagers, on what we like and don't like about each other as teacher and student. Any arguments or disagreements - I've solved them one-on-one, face-to-face, with whomever I had a 'problem' with.

But today felt so heavy, so huge BUT I FEEL SO FUCKING HAPPY! I always felt...that this particular student brought out the demon in myself. Not blaming though - I could be some fucking demon, so could you - eventually, everyone & no one can judge us, whatever!

Because of this incident, I changed my blog heading to A Female Piano Teacher's Feelings. I always trusted that Music is a feeling, before everything else. So this blog will be about my feelings.

As for the word "Female" - I firmly believed that the piano is designed for Females to enjoy, succeed & blossom. I sound sexist - but I know I am not.

To letting go & newer feelings! Enjoy.

The Melody

When I first started playing for Youtube, I began to hear myself from the audience pov. Distancing myself from the piano as a pianist, I discovered a problem.

My music? Bottom-heavy. Details? Overdone. I performed my music from ground-up. Convinced by my theory knowledge that harmony is the basis of music. I over-played the harmony.

Slowly, I realised - no matter how beautiful I shape my harmony, my chords, my bass notes even... I will never play beautiful music. Because the beauty of music lies in the singability and extravagance of the melody. Or in certain cases, secondary melodies too.

I pulled myself away from my music, and really listened to it.

Why didn't I hear how loud my left hand was in the past? Why did I spend time and effort shaping the harmonies when I should be enjoying and singing with the melody phrases? Why did I ever think that harmony can be more important than the melody when the melody is always right there? Piercing at me!

Life is tricky and ain't I a fool?!

Well - Hope we can all hear the melody of our music. Especially.on.the.piano.