You know I blog about my feelings, not my life right.

Yo ladies and gentlemen what's up. This week has been okay and I just know I progressed but I don't know what HAHAHAHAHAHA...

My shoulder pain IS BACK for real no joke guys I have been carrying nonsense on my shoulders, I need to let it go. Time to let it all go babies.

Basically, I've been very busy. But tragically, busy. for. nothing. HAHAHAHAHA....

On second thoughts, I high-key suspect the Covid jab - was it the p company again - completely altered my brain cells, gave me moderate autism & fml, did I turn out to have ADHD? Autism, I am sure. ADHD, I don't think I have it, because I can stop my thoughts. I just need a channel...

Teaching seems to really blossom - but only with my regulars FROM CHINA. WHY??? I thought I love my Singaporeans? Apparently.... my China students are my true-blue supporters? Something very nasty happened to me, actually many nasty things happened to me, and my entire perspective shifted. Damn, is it normal to throw everything away and start anew? Like, grief is progress, right?

Back to the point in teaching -> girls I am so excited to teach the new syllabus actually, it is so amazing I LOVE the slow pieces. Absolutely...juicy! In terms of the chords. The arrangement? I find the flow questionable. I prefer more flow. Or maybe it's because I can't flow HAHAHAHAA....

Lastly, I feel that I haven't figured out my love language yet. But it's definitely NOT FOOD. If ever you offered food, or cook for me, I will be like WTF? In fact, my hate-relationship with food is real. I feel like vomiting when I eat...anything! Not at the start though. When I'm 5 minutes into the meal, that's it, I am done. As done as a .. very tragic primary school kid with a very basic appetite. Sighs, I'm not going to waste my money ever on restaurants...except Cantonese food??

Alright, assholes, I'm done. I feel okay. I am okay. See you soon in the most okay environment everrrr

By the way, readers, hope you are ok too!!! Miss ya all to space and back. Wish I'm not the only one thinking the way I do, let's get freaky and sit in your feelings like me~~ ENJOY ASSHOLES

These few weeks have been crazy but I finally managed to perform more self-regulation of my emotions & mental illness on my own. What I really need, is the beach & grass. More of the beach really, or anything, anything with nature, anything more natural for my very uncomfortable self.

Do you sometimes feel that life is a party? I know I am a mf crazy party animal. You just know what you are, isn't it. Even though I am dealing with adult matters now (hopefully - I never know how childish I am until I find out on my own), I always feel that my head is stuck IN MY 20s. If I need to be more specific, I am stuck between ages 27 to 29. I can't pinpoint which year. There is a year, where I am mentally stuck at. RAAAA what is happeningggggg....

GUYS if I have to verbalise something it is THE NEW ABRSM SYLLABUS what is happening there are Afro vibes in it??!!! 2 years ago, the pop and theatre pieces already gave us all a mini scare, but to really advance from Classical & to even mix in...MORE? I still feel that anything on piano should probably stay Baroque, Classical, Romantic, 20th Century, I mean - I CAN ACCEPT POP but the pop must be classical arranged, or rather, re-arranged for piano students AHHHH can someone shake ABRSM awake?

If I may - I started a 2nd Youtube Channel - away from my piano channel, would you kindly support me HERE please?

Something is BOTHERING me...well, many things are bothering me. Either I choose to stick to it, let it go, or trash it out. Different matters require different approaches..... I have this ick I cannot verbalise but I feel it FML what is happening again???!!!

Let's go to the beach HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA

Law

I feel that I completely overshared on my last post regarding my Buddhism ideas. F.M.L. I think Buddha is going to be SOOO angry at me because Buddha HATES oversharing....SHIT. Buddha is probably going to punish me already...

__________

Yesterday was the biggest day of my life. I went to the State Courts at Havelock as the Claimant for a Consultation. I cannot elaborate because I don't want to jinx anything. And Buddha probably also doesn't want me to share anything because Buddhism is EXTREMELY introspective, again FML. Yesterday was the 2nd time I had to put my hands on Singapore's Law, seriously. Growing up in Singapore as the elder child of immigrant China parents, I always have two sides of me - rojak Singaporean & extremely China-ish Chee-na girl. I am not at all ashamed of my China roots because I truly know how BIGGGGGGG China is and no economy can compete with China. This point alone. China. win. liao. The rest of us...feel free to say good night and good bye.

The law thingyyy went ok. It was just a Consultation, there shall be another Hearing but before that, there is apparently a pre-Hearing. The "judge"... well, I don't know if that same "judge" will continue the case, but apparently yes - because she keeps on emphasizing how busy she is going to be...

This law thingyy I'm working on with the Singapore Courts has to do with a major music company in Singapore and its beef with me. I am not letting this go. My anger is my biggest motivator in life. I have never felt more motivated about anything. Not even my FRSM. Not even money. Not even marrying rich.

I feel like I'm all alone to deal with my law case. Thank god my MP gave me an excellent referral. I feel that so far, Singapore truly has an excellent law system. Even though there are SO MANY sub-units here and there and Singapore's efficiency is NOT AS AWESOME as marketed, I can tell that people really want to help, but lack the specific knowledge of the very niche area I need help on.

SIGHS this blog so far also a bit no use already. I CANNOT HEAR my thoughts in solely English. I do a mix....English and Mandarin. Sighs.... I am not feeling anything tonight. Suddenly, I miss my SMU piano friend...she was from a family of lawyers and accountants. I feel like, at this point, she will understand me most...YET I GAVE UP THAT FRIENDSHIP BECAUSE I THOUGHT I WAS BETTER THAN HER FUCK MY EGO!!!!!! Buddha feel free to punish me...