Send. Help. Now.

I had such busy & heavy weeks for so long.... I could never imagine my mid-30s would be what it is like right now. So many 1st-world & high-caliber problems I am facing right now... makes me happy, makes me sad, makes me anxious....most importantly, I feel...blissed!

Even in my 30s, I am still having acne....I used to be SO MAD but after a while, seniors told me that the day I stop having acne, will be the day my true ageing begin... I too don't know whether this statement is scientifically proven... but then again, doesn't Science itself also need to be proven by Science?

Just today, I faced people issues yet again. Major. Human. Problems. But I remember what one of my mentor told me - "...always know that your targeted audience for piano lessons will be the rich families..." For years, I trusted my darling Singaporeans of HDB background (Yishun, Sengkang, Hougang etc...) but I very quickly discover that Singaporeans just don't make the cut for anything that needs cultural, artistic & aristocratic backing. I trust that my maturity & calmness will bring me forward. Please pray for me!

I was just carrying some Cash the other day & guess what? My Cash got stolen in my OWN CONDO! I've told TWO FUCKING SECURITY GUARDS & I guess I need to activate my vulgarities to make things move again. I don't want to be an asshole but I guess ass situations need me to show my true monster?

Someone I cannot brush off easily - asked me for help - so I help because sometimes life offers no chance - but when that someone doesn't understand - I get boxed up verbally? I didn't give that someone any chance too. I debated back. It.was.so.fun.

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It is during days like this that I realise....I don't know? Life lessons? Last week I heard a random Father telling his Daughter, "....in life, even if you have the most amazing parent, spouse or children - you can never depend on them completely...." 

Actually, I am glad I have this old stupid Blog to gush my thoughts. I thought this Blog would be my media, my advertorial, my "wordpress" - but turns out! This Blog is my thoughts. This stupid Blog Is Me!

I always lack confidence in human relationships. I hate all relationships. I AM AUTISTIC! Yet, I am an extrovert... UGRRRR! Anyway, I Hate Humans!!!

But something today - completely changed my mind.

My friend - pretty close, but definitely never overstepping any boundaries - grew up with speech issues (problem pronouncing certain alphabets) & autism - managed to not only overcome all her issues. She even manage to become some fucking therapist & is now helping others??!!!

And here I am - still blogging in this outdated platform...

Actually, nothing is impossible in this world. We all just need a little support here and there, every now and then. Some of us need intense treatment, some of us need a mindset reform, others simply need to cry it out.

For me, I just need to be by myself. I lowkey suspect I am an introvert actually.

I feel like I want to do more Accompaniment & Performing jobs? Of course these jobs are already scarce in the pathetic Singapore & I know close circles and connections matter a lot... But I feel like I'm ready to transit from teaching to accompaniment? I've been teaching sooo longgg & I just discovered that I actually don't enjoy human relationships...kinda miss the whole point of teaching isn't it? Feeling like a loser...

Oh well - cheers to myself? A pat on my back? Hope I can find a good balance in my life.

I have one good news for myself though - NO BLOODY ACNE ON MY FACE FOR TONIGHT!!! 

Another Overstimulated Day?

I lowkey suspect I am a communist. Love, Hate - & absolutely nothing in between. I simply couldn't bring myself to understand mixed feelings because I guess emotionally, I just cannot develop?

All my life I just hate all men, I find them gross & .. I don't know.. I feel like men make me ugly but I don't know why even till today? The 'yang' in them maybe? Hormones? Tone?

I grew up in an almost all-girls environment & loved every moment, completely thrived! Deep friendships, lovely conversations & so much letting in/out for my heart BUT recently I feel slightly... not myself anymore?

Going through a seriously weird transition in my life - I cannot explain myself. Felt SO STIMULATED on certain days yet I could fly on other days? Perhaps it is truly a smartphone problem. My brain stopped functioning in a manner that benefits me anymore. I feel short-circuited, loss of flow & very.very.stimulated for no reason!!

At least - Everyday when I pray to Buddha, I wish for health & peace for the world, especially animals.

I wonder how all of you are doing? May that spark always live in you. If you ever meet a sick or stray animal in need, do drop me a text at +65 93383729. I may not contribute in terms of time or effort, but at least a humble sum of money can be transferred to you.

Peace out assholes ---