I am not done yet from my last post. This blog is never dying - I have many things to spill. This is not near the end. RAWWWHHHH killing you all...

You know the feeling of being irritated when your instructions are not followed? I think this is getting very serious for me, I lowkey suspect I am some dictator's ancestor and I feel...worried? Like why am I so emotional and worked up every time there is a smallll disagreement. I mean, am I not westernised? I have to put down my ego. I kept telling my students to come to class with their emotions emptied every week, and here I am - irritated at them? Such shame for myself...

Mother Nature seems to do the trick for me. Beaches, especially. I hope I get to stay near the beach if I ever move house the third time. Buddha bless me, my second house shift already traumatized me so much. I need another 10 years to overcome my traumas HAHAHAHAHA...nothing beats a little drama HAHAHAHAHHA!!!

If there's something new I discover about myself. I think I finally know how to describe myself using words, instead of just feeling myself. I am fun-loving, emotional but highly regulated, and such a purist. I am everywhere and everything, but mostly I am in search of fun activities. I think I became so emotional in recent years, completely losing my cool and maturity FML I don't know what happened. But regarding regulation, I think I really nailed it. As in - emotional regulation. I know exactly when I go overboard, what to do with different levels of emotions, and when to just let it go. As for my purist-mindset, I guess I am just a China bitch. I am born and made in communism. I cannot tolerate the slight difference in thinking especially when .... HELP ME.

Even when I'm typing this, my com kept switching back to Mandarin automatically HAHAHAHAHA it's really quite funny...

But, it doesn't feel funny. As in, it is funny. But I don't feel funny. I feel...serious actually. I don't know how to say. But I just feel life got so serious....that I lost my drive and motivation to succeed. I think I am disappointed in myself. But I am only disappointed in myself, if I am still the same person 20 years ago. But the context is, I am not!

So, I also don't know la.... let it be la.. I need to pee now.