China

I traveled back to China as my grandma is very sick. Kinda serious. Cancer! All solids have to be made into porridge-like liquids now. Very sad because both my gf already died. Now it is gm's turn. Not to die of course, but to be burdened by illness? Life sucks man...

Life is so crazyyy in Singapore & I never felt truly happy anywhere, but I think - I found some closure in China. Not because China is filty rich, amazing & completely revolutionizing the world - I don't care how rich a country is! It is the setting for me...

I went back to Da Pu village, the houses are enormous & I lowkey suspect I am more suitable for the countryside life? I suit big houses, terrace houses with gardens, bungalows-kind of setting & my small city-Condo just won't do for me. I can't even breathe at home!!! Made 1 female village millennial friend & I think I felt comfortable? Happy to have 1 pathetic friend of similar cultural background but nah...she doesn't know English so most likely, no la.... I can't be speaking Mandarin ONLY all the time isn't it.

Visited my gf's tomb in Da Pu & truly valued the importance of a country's size. My ancestors have HUGE TOMBS LITERALLY 1 WHOLE MOUNTAIN FOR ONE CORPSE! Despite being uncomfortable in China's village, I finally see why my that 1 friend I made simply refused to even migrate to Shenzhen! It is the fucking space!!! It offers an entire different vision & mindset in life!!

Finally traveled to China after 8-ish years? Not China's GZ, BJ or SH. I only went to SZ & DP. It wasn't a comfortable trip. But at least, I know what I need is Space.

Physically. Mentally. Probably spiritually too.

.....

Actually, when I converse with people of my age in China, I truly am more mature than them, despite probably having less general knowledge. Happy that I am mature. Proud of myself.

And the reason I goddamn dare to be so confident about who I am - is not because I am good or no good. It is because I Truly Know Myself. At least, I Am Not Scared.

Take a kitkat assholez...