Just a Buddha girl...

One admirable thing I genuinely admire about myself - is truly the level of self-reflection I do, for myself obviously, on a daily basis. My religion has always been Buddhism - and I am a Buddha girl through and through. My Buddhism studies guided me in two manners - 慈悲心 & 智慧. There shall be no English translation even though I am able to translate these two Mandarin characters for you. But I will not. Simply because translation shall result in the loss of the original flavour of those two Mandarin characters.

Anyway - after years of self-reflection. I have decided that my 慈心 will not be applied on humans, not even the elderly, handicapped, or the needy. Because I truly believe in Buddha's fairness in the grand scheme of life. Perhaps you did something destructive in your childhood, thus you would need to pay for it in your adulthood or golden years? HOWEVER, I will always have 慈心 for animals, simply because they are just animals, and I really have love for them. Dear Buddha, if you are reading my blog, hope you can spare some kindness for animals.

The 2nd manner towards the world of Buddhism is via 智慧. I feel that I have, but I also know that I will never achieve it fully. My brain will never reach Masters or Phd that kind of level. I am no Minister level and I don't care. Because that is never my route! But just these three weeks, I feel like I can serve? I also don't know who or what I am destined to serve...maybe serve water?

HAHAHAHAHA wasted I didn't become a comedian HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

The final point that is crucial in my Buddhism journey is the "悲" in 慈悲心. According to Buddha, extreme happiness and the outward kind of excitement is highly discouraged. I completely feel this but I still believe I am secretly an extrovert. Even though I know that my personal battery charges to the brim when I'm alone... I still feel... I just know I am not an introvert. Otherwise why would I find the need to blog my feelings out?

Hang on. I am not explaining Buddhism well to all of you. Not that I am speaking to you though... but... UGRR my explanation sucks!

SHIT AM I SCHIZOPHRENIC? Actually, am I just mentally ill or am I just a sucky bitch. I guess the real question is how come I can feel the Buddhism in me ah? How come ah?

This post is such a me post. I am so glad I know who I am... eh, but I don't want to be a nun hor, I want my hair....